The New Plague: Girl Hate

“Girl hate” is a term that gets thrown around a lot in fourth-wave feminism. What sounds simple is something rooted in many separate microaggressions. Girl hate is not as simple as hating someone that’s a female, and it’s usually done by a fellow woman. It’s resenting womanhood and being an all-around hater for reasons deeper than the Hater probably even realizes.

I’m going to use a (hypothetical) fellow woman as an example, because it’s sadly much more common.  A girl who is riddled with girl hate feels the need to compete with other women. They may even preach feminism and girl power, but they hate on other women for reasons that aren’t incredibly apparent. They usually tend to claim that they’re more often friends with men because they’re “less drama,” and the Hater sees women as a wholly catty group. Because of a couple bad experiences with a few women, the Hater has generalized the entire gender. Furthermore, they simply cannot stop themselves from immediately trying to distance themselves from other women. These are usually the ones that tell everyone they’re “not like the other girls” because they feel that being female is inherently bad and shameful and they don’t want to be seen that way.

In order to combat this phenomenon, we must face what causes it: patriarchal/societal pressures. As children, females are socialized to resent each other and compete in order to get the best prize, usually a man. We compete with each other in school, work, and love. We construct trophies and thrones out of the things we tried to steal out of each other’s hands. And why? Well, men, and well-meaning female relatives that are full of internalized misogyny, continue to keep up that we’re better than everyone else if we beat our fellow woman at something. Getting the promotion through sneaky means when the other woman deserved it is a high level accomplishment. If you stole her boyfriend, that means you’re more desirable, attractive, and all-around more pleasant compared to her. (God forbid we address that situation as the man being a noncommittal asshole.)

Because we do this, men perpetuate the semi-myth that we’re catty and dramatic. The prophecy becomes self-fulfilling as we are conditioned to think that gossip and being cruel to each other is a natural part of being a woman.

This breeds hostility between the people that should be caring for each other when the rest of the world isn’t.

Women need to uplift each other. We should be each other’s best cheerleaders. I’m not saying you have to become a fake beacon of positivity, and I’m not saying you have to like someone just because they’re female. That, in itself, would defeat the purpose of this message. I am saying is to be civil with each other. Many of these women are mean to each other because they think they’re “real” and it’s “fake” to be neutral around someone you don’t like. They look for trouble and then say they had to fight back, even though there’s no one left to impress because they stepped on everyone else.

Ultimately, if you think you might be a Girl Hater, you have to consider something. Are you holding the women you dislike to a standard you don’t hold men to, and basing your opinions off of that? If so, that’s a problematic way to think. If you don’t like a girl because she looks at you funny, but a guy with a resting “scary” face doesn’t bother you, that’s biased thinking. That’s your girl hate talking. That’s a defense tactic that makes you feel the need to one-up every other girl around you.

You don’t have to be better than anyone. You should simply aim to be the best version of you. It’s totally fine to say “I’m beautiful” and list things you love about yourself. What is not an okay thought is to say “I’m more beautiful than so-and-so because she looks like…” and follow it with a plethora negative adjectives. Girls who befriend a lot of men rarely say a guy can’t be their friend because he looks annoying, he’s fat, or has bad style. However, so many women will assume others are bitchy or catty and immediately act on it by picking on their appearance and their perceived personality.

You’ll stay friends with a man who talks to a lot of girls or is petty, but you’ll cite a woman’s “sluttiness” or “bitchiness” as a reason to not be her friend (and you’ll talk shit about this behavior, as if that makes you any less “bitchy”).

Women set unjust standards for each other because that’s what we’re raised around.

Realize that talking about people is not going to ever make them more tolerable to you. It just makes people you don’t like take up headspace that you could use on more productive things.

Start a band, start raising cacti, start going to cooking classes, take a painting course. Do something to better yourself. But it’s not healthy if you try to uplift yourself by telling another girl her artwork looks like shit.


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